Playing Homemaker and Battling Fear

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For the past few days I have been playing homemaker! And I must say I have been thoroughly enjoying it!

Justin was able to stay a week longer after school ended and has been staying at my sister and brother-in-law’s home in the meantime.

At lunch time each day we meet each other to eat our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,

after which I go back to work until a few hours later I can clock out, be picked up by my darling boy and brought back to a cozy home to cook dinner together!

Charissa and Tom have been so generous with their home and Justin and I are eternally grateful!!

The photos above are of our Monday night dinner, Charissa helped me with the chicken and the meal consisted of spiced and breaded chicken, whole wheat bread and couscous with peas in it! Not so fancy, but simple and delicious enough to be greatly enjoyed and filling!

Last Saturday, Justin and I went grocery shopping and planned out this weeks meals. Breakfast, lunch and dinner (and even snacks!) have all been accounted and provided for despite our meager funds!!

The whole experience has been a small snapshot of what life will be like as a married couple, planning out finances, shopping by needs and not by wants, seeing each other around our work schedules and cooking dinner together in the evening time. It has been a brilliant success and such an enjoyable break from the steady weight of school work.

I am so grateful for these past and next few days, for all the generosity of those around us and for the support and love that I have been able to know so well throughout my life.

Maybe it is the Connecticut shooting, maybe it is the coming road trip that will be taking Justin away for a little while, maybe it is my living alone for a few days, maybe it is because I am so tired and am most likely getting sick, maybe it is the prediction of the world ending [random I know, but for some reason it keeps sticking in my mind as irony for the world to actually end on a predicted day, though I, in my rational mind, do not give such humanly predictions heed because I know that God is in full control and I am secure in His hands], but for some reason fear has also made a home in the back of my mind recently,

it is the kind of fear that makes you hold on to every current moment with the ones you love because you want to be able to save up and experience as much of them and as much with them as you can in case for some unexpected reason they are taken away from your life forever.

The kind of fear that makes you consider the unknowns and forces you to have to take into account every possible poor outcome for any situation, just so that you can be even the slightest bit prepared to deal with any kind of trauma.

The kind of fear that lingers around the happiness that you are experiencing so fully, threatening to become a reality at any sudden moment.

The kind of fear that stems from an innate need for control.

A fear that is not warranted or satisfying, a fear that Christ speaks of as far from His will for us to experience, and a fear that His embrace can shun to the point of its nonexistence, even in the far corners of your mind.

It is this kind of fear that I am battling with at times right now, and though it is faulty in and of itself, it is, in some ways, causing me to appreciate the life and love that I have been entrusted with and am able to enjoy to such a great extent, though I know that my enjoyment of the life I have been given should not be supported by fear, but by love, God’s peace and the embracing of each new day without the need for control over unknown circumstance, but instead an abiding trust in the one who I know to be my Savior.

The giving up of a need for control is one of the hardest, but most brilliantly freeing, things I continually have to do.

But despite any fear and any worry,

I can truly say that these days are the best of my life,

and I am so enjoying every bit of them.

.

I leave you now with a final bit of Dr. Who wisdom,

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Enjoy, and Merry Christmas to you all, it is just around the corner!

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