Spring Break

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On the first night back from Spring Break I laid in my bed surrounded by darkness, listening to the easily forgotten and now unfamiliar sounds of the dorm room and hall. The water running from the showers in the bathroom, the room directly beside my own. The clicking of the heater building back up its stamina after its own Spring vacation. The opening and closing of doors up and down the hallway. And the nightly wind swishing past the window making the sad sounds it is known best to make. I felt tired, not from lack of sleep, but from my now location once again, from the dorm, from school, from the understanding of what must be done in these last 8 weeks of the semester. Spring Break allowed for so many beautiful memories, being able to wake up and say good morning to Justin within minutes, being able to say goodnight and know that I did not have to be even just a college campus away from him. A couple’s trip to St. Augustine where we walked together on some of the oldest road in North America. Mid morning strolls on a windy beach with the water enviously lapping at our toes attempting to invite us to its chilly waves. Being able to watch old family videos together and understand my boy’s history with even more clarity. Reading and lounging quietly on the couch together. Spending time with family and building forever memories. And so much more. It was with these memories in mind that I listened to the sounds of weather and dorm life as I lay in bed. I felt sad, almost let down by the reality that those memories are now past and though those circumstances and so much more are waiting for me in exactly 2 months, the day we will be married, I couldn’t help but feel lonely and wanting as I thought on what a wonderful few privileges Justin and I had with each other for just a little while over Spring Break. Mostly the closeness of his presence. I envy it. I treasure it. And I love it dearly. And Spring Break gave it readily. But now school and work and real life snatch it slowly away as responsibilities, planning and homework take their needed place again. I wouldn’t give them up, I thrive on structure and responsibility. But I am so thoroughly ready, with all of who I am, to have those moments with him again, those easily said morning words, because he will be so close, those simply stated good nights, because he will remain so close. And every moment and memory that we can invest and build with each other. Take your place reality, and help store those past memories with fondness in the tale of time, but be kind, won’t you? And perhaps let them resurface as a piece of my reality every once and a while over these next months? You were so lovely Spring Break, and you will forever be remembered and treasured, even if you do at times make me feel blue from your richness as I lie in bed, listening and reminiscing.

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