attempting to stay positive … not sure it’s going so well

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Without a doubt,

throughout the entirety of my life, I have never felt as stressed as I do now.

I don’t think I knew what stress was until this past month and these past days came along.

Planning a wedding while being in school has been the most stressful learning experience I have ever faced in my entire life.

Yet I will say,

never once, throughout this process, have I ever wished I wasn’t getting married at this time,

and I will also say,

that hundreds of times, throughout this process, have I wished I wasn’t in school.

Right now school is the scourge of my existence,

and yes, I do know that it is a privilege to be able to be educated,

that a bachelors degree is vital to getting good jobs,

and that I should never take this opportunity for granted,

but to be honest,

right now,

I am struggling with the desire to finish this semester well.

It’s hard to write papers,

when you just don’t care,

it’s hard to sit through classes,

when scholarly words don’t mean anything to you anymore,

it’s hard to want to finish well,

when I know after my four years of college I will have a degree in something that has nothing to do with what I hope to pursue.

I will have a bachelors degree.

That is all I am going to school for, just to get a bachelors degree.

Not for the content of the degree, just the degree, just to have one for future job opportunities.

And sometimes, that reason alone, just isn’t enough to keep me caring.

.

Despite my school woes and worries however,

this past weekend I had my bridal shower, given by my mother and some lovely friends and it was so brilliant!!

It was a beautiful highlight to my weekend and something I will always remember!

Since my best friend Ryan will be marrying my brother a mere 5 days after Justin and I’s wedding,

we combined our showers into one and it turned out to be a grand success!!

I couldn’t be more thankful for the women in my life who have cared so well for me, encouraged me and helped me throughout my life, specifically in this crazy wedding planning time!!

I am blessed.

.

That’s me these days.

Stressed

and

Blessed

and just trying to get to the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m not so sure how these last 2 weeks of school are going to go,

I just hope that they go quickly,

and finally leave me alone to focus my attention on marrying the man who has helped me more than I will ever deserve, and has constantly been there for me throughout these past moody and overwhelmed days, weeks, months.

I love him more than any words do justice to describe.

.

2 thoughts on “attempting to stay positive … not sure it’s going so well

  1. Judy and I are praying for you two! We love you guys and wish we could be closer to celebrate all these moments with you leading up to the big day. Can’t wait to see you in a few weeks!

    Like

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