This summer has brought random spurts of foliage all across the bushes and patio in front of our house, and though they can be described as nothing more than weeds, I am realizing I don’t have the heart to destroy them because they reflect my summer in such a unique way. They are a nuisance, they are out of place, they don’t actually help the plants that are meant to be growing, they cannot be ignored and if they are removed they will always come back. They are present, obvious, and stubborn.
This summer has also brought out a lot of weeds in me.
Weeds of anxiety, fear, and doubt.
Things that don’t belong, things that complicate and distract.
I have a serious need for control over my life, to have clarity in everything and to be able to feel secure in my surroundings and goals. I always thought that God’s direction would provide all of those things, but I have realized over this summer that God works in a life far differently than I expected.
I expected myself to have unwavering peace, direction, clarity, wisdom, etc….
I expected to always know if I was doing the right thing.
I didn’t expect to have to wait so long for answers, to have to battle so many weeds, to have to feel so many things and to be challenged in so many ways.
I am not so great at the start of many things, I get easily overwhelmed and then I feel the need to retreat quickly to gain a sense of self and stability again. Those tendencies, as I’ve learned, don’t translate so well into real life.
I have been faced with so many weeds this summer, in my front yard and in myself, I can’t say it has been all that pleasant of a summer overall, but now that it is coming to a close I realize how much I have experienced and how much better I understand so many perspectives and aspects of life.
I certainly have a long way to go, I imagine my future experiences in life and continued growth in relationship with Christ will help with that, but I feel a bit more experienced at this whole real life thing, it’s gonna be a tough journey, but hopefully I’ll learn each lesson as they come so that maybe in the future the weeds become farther and fewer in between. 🙂