Sometimes I’ll look around at those I’ve seen who have just had their first baby, mostly just out of curiosity, to see how they did their pregnancy and early newborn months, to look at the baby moon pictures and the nursery set ups and to read their thoughts on childbirth and parenting.
The thing is, many of these couples are 26 or older.
Whereas Justin and I are 22 years old.
This might not sound like a significant observation, but I am realizing that understanding that difference is actually very significant as I think about our current resources.
Having a baby at 22 years old is going to look very different than having a baby at 25-26 or older.
Justin and I have never worked full time at the same time, so our savings are meager and baby expenses are not.
Justin is in the process of searching for a job currently, it’s been just a month since he’s been out of work completely after graduating in May, though it starting to feel as though it’s been much much longer.
I feel very strongly about what God has called Justin and I to, each in our own way, as far as having a baby and the way we live afterwards, but this assurance is tested by resources that are not yet in place.
Justin and I are both confident in God’s perfect timing and provision as we move closer to Theo’s arrival, even though asking about our plans now would only get you a lot of ‘I don’t knows’ and ‘I guess we’ll sees’.
It was through Justin’s encouragement the other day that I realized that things are going to look different for us right now and that I don’t have to feel like we’ve missed something or messed something up if we aren’t in the same position as the fellow new parents we know who are 4-5 years older than us.
I really believe that there is no mistake in our story’s timeline. That God has orchestrated things as He’s seen fit and provided steadily along the way, but it is times like these that test my faith and my belief that He will continue to do so.
However, I realize that even with looming deadlines and expenses, I don’t actually have to feel any anxiety.
That God doesn’t run on hasty schedules and pressured time lines, but in perfect order.
And if He tells me to trust Him and that by doing so I can experience rest and assurance in the midst of hope and prayers for provision, well, that sounds better than anxiety any day. 🙂