Being Here & Looking Forward

IMG_1048

Sometimes I’ll look around at those I’ve seen who have just had their first baby, mostly just out of curiosity, to see how they did their pregnancy and early newborn months, to look at the baby moon pictures and the nursery set ups and to read their thoughts on childbirth and parenting.

The thing is, many of these couples are 26 or older.

Whereas Justin and I are 22 years old.

This might not sound like a significant observation, but I am realizing that understanding that difference is actually very significant as I think about our current resources.

Having a baby at 22 years old is going to look very different than having a baby at 25-26 or older.

Justin and I have never worked full time at the same time, so our savings are meager and baby expenses are not.

Justin is in the process of searching for a job currently, it’s been just a month since he’s been out of work completely after graduating in May, though it starting to feel as though it’s been much much longer.

I feel very strongly about what God has called Justin and I to, each in our own way, as far as having a baby and the way we live afterwards, but this assurance is tested by resources that are not yet in place.

Justin and I are both confident in God’s perfect timing and provision as we move closer to Theo’s arrival, even though asking about our plans now would only get you a lot of ‘I don’t knows’ and ‘I guess we’ll sees’.

It was through Justin’s encouragement the other day that I realized that things are going to look different for us right now and that I don’t have to feel like we’ve missed something or messed something up if we aren’t in the same position as the fellow new parents we know who are 4-5 years older than us.

I really believe that there is no mistake in our story’s timeline. That God has orchestrated things as He’s seen fit and provided steadily along the way, but it is times like these that test my faith and my belief that He will continue to do so.

However, I realize that even with looming deadlines and expenses, I don’t actually have to feel any anxiety.

That God doesn’t run on hasty schedules and pressured time lines, but in perfect order.

And if He tells me to trust Him and that by doing so I can experience rest and assurance in the midst of hope and prayers for provision, well, that sounds better than anxiety any day. 🙂

2 thoughts on “Being Here & Looking Forward

  1. Even though kids are not in my immediate future, I so get this. I have wasted so much time looking at other people’s lives, timelines, etc and thinking I am somehow a failure because my life looks SO different, and I don’t know how what is next. (Oh, how I would love to know since I love to plan.)
    Thanks for speaking truth to yourself, because you’ve also spoken it to me today.

    Like

  2. So…I just typed up a whole response and I think WordPress just lost it. Let me try one more time.

    If it’s any consolation, we were older than 22 when Eliza came into our lives but we were not financially stable. We worked part time jobs and pieced our budget together. But our part time jobs were never the equivalent of one full time job. It meant being creative with the resources we had, repurposing things, having the bare minimum regarding baby gear, not being afraid to ask to borrow things and ask for help… I look back over this time and call it “God math.” The numbers don’t add up right. We earned next to nothing but God still provided for our needs and even desires. And we were able to save a little!

    Now James is working full time (got a job about a month ago) — the first full time job either one of us has had in our six years of marriage, and I think the early years make me all the more appreciative for this work!

    All that to say, the Lord delights in taking care of us and will gladly do so! No matter what age or phase of life you’re in. 🙂

    And…if you want any of our baby gear that we’re getting rid of, say the word! Haha

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s